Do You Have A Green Eyed Monster In Your Circle?

I think everybody has had the unpleasant experience of someone who feels jealous towards them at some stage in their lives. Whether it’s jealousy over money, an important event in their life, a career, or any type of happy moment or win, the other person just can’t help but show the green eyed monster.

These types of people can appear to be your friend or loved one when you aren’t doing that well in life, but the second you start to do better than them in someway, their true colours emerge… The saying ‘undercover enemy’ or ‘frienemy’ comes to mind. You will know it when it happens because you will feel them start to play power games with you. It will be passive aggressive and underhanded little digs during conversations. They will start to compete with you, and try to prove that they are better or know more about something than you. They will often say how happy they are for you to your face, but their actions just don’t marry up. Not that they will ever admit that though; these sorts of people are masters at gaslighting their victims when confronted.

I’ve had this a lot in my life over the years in various different ways, and these sorts of people always dragged me down into a power struggle game. That was because I was just as insecure as they were, just in different ways. My ego would get bruised and I’d feel the need to compete back with them as a form of punishment for not being happy for me. I never understood that their inferiorities were a reflection of them, not me. I always took it so personally because I’ve always been the type of person who is happy for other’s successes. When I didn’t get the same in return, I wanted to sting their insecurities as much as they were stinging mine. Which I think is quite a normal response for anyone who hasn’t mastered their human-self-ego. It takes lots of self reflection and healing to be able to act from the perspective of your soul-self in these kinds of situations.

However, over the years I’ve learnt to spot these people before they get too ingrained in my inner circle. You learn that these types of people have far too many unaddressed issues to ever be a true and supportive friend. When I’d spot them, I’d completely cut them off, because I knew that trouble, drama, and upsets were a guarantee. I thought a hard door slam was the best way to deal with these sorts of people, but I’ve come to learn that’s not always possible…

Yes, you should not let these sorts of people enter into your inner circle when you spot them, however, sometimes you can’t help but come across them in your outer circle. Especially in work or family situations. I’ve actually had two of these types of people enter my outer circle in the last couple of months, and what I’ve learnt is this:

When you’ve done enough healing on your own insecurities, what these people say or do, no longer means anything personally to you. You know that their jealousy, and attempt to grab power is actually about them. You are mirroring to them what they don’t like about themselves. Your ego no longer feels the need to dance with their ego, because you know who you are, and you don’t require someone else’s championing or approval to feel secure within yourself. Especially when its from a frienemy!

I recently had a staff member at work who has massive insecurity issues. I really like her, but she does have an inferiority complex! She can’t handle any constructive criticism, nor can she handle any simple instruction without getting defensive and trying to exert her power over me. Usually, this would get my heckles up and I’d try to stamp my authority over her, but instead I found myself chuckling. I didn’t feel the need to play the power game with her because I actually am the boss. I realised in that moment that when you become comfortable with who you are, you automatically become powerful in that knowingness, and there’s no longer a need to prove that to anyone. It was a really powerful realisation. One that has enabled me to deal with her in a much healthier way. When it comes to insignificant things, I just let her get ‘her’ way. But when it comes to important things, I assertively put my foot down. That way she feels like she’s getting some wins in, which her wounded ego needs, so when I do put my foot down she doesn’t feel like I’m battling her all the time. She’s much more receptive to this give-a-little-take-a-little approach.

I’ve also felt this jealous, competitive vibe from an acquaintance in my outer circle, she’s clearly viewing me as competition over a shared interest. I felt a bit hurt to begin with because I really like her, and its something that we could really benefit from working together. But, I have to accept that she has unhealed wounds that is making her react in this way, and that’s not my problem to take on. There’s been a few little attempts to power grab that I would have felt the need to compete with in the past. But again, my ego just doesn’t feel the need to dance with her ego. Instead, I’m holding love in my heart for her, and hoping that she learns that this about her, not me – that there is enough room for both of us in this space. But, whether she learns this or not, it’s not going to change what I’m striving for. I love and accept who I am now, and when you learn to do that, no one can shake your ego into dancing with theirs!

If you have a jealous or competitive person if your life, and your ego is getting pulled into their power games, then perhaps this is an opportunity to look at what needs healing within you. What insecurities are they mirroring to you? Where do you feel you need others to justify who and what you are? There must be something there that needs addressing, because if there wasn’t, I promise your ego would not be feeling triggered by them.

Don’t be like them, don’t allow your unhealed wounds to drag you into their game. When you do that, they feel justified in their jealousy, and completely miss the point of what the mirror image is trying to show them about their own behaviour.

This is an opportunity for you to heal, to grow, and to feel comfortable within yourself. Please don’t let that golden opportunity pass you by!