Everyone Has Trauma, Whether It’s Big Or Small:

Last weekend I helped run a workshop for the families of addicts. One of the topics we covered was trauma, and what that really means.

One of the mothers talked about how all of the professionals they’ve seen so far for her teenage son and his drug addiction have asked her what his trauma is. She’s found this extremely upsetting because she doesn’t believe that he has any trauma. She stated that he has had a “perfect life and upbringing”, with overseas holidays, the latest gadgets, etc. Unfortunately, none of the professionals she has seen has taken the time to explain what trauma can look like on a broader scale…

Trauma doesn’t always have to be a big event. Trauma can be a series of small compounding events that take root and become exacerbated over time. We explained that it could be something as small as her son getting told off at school in front of his peers in a way that made him feel less than, humiliated, and unworthy. From there, other minor incidents can occur that reinforces the belief of unworthiness. And the more the person starts to believe something, the more they will attract situations that reinforce this negative and limiting belief.  

Most of the parents were blown away by this information as they were under the belief that it had to be a significant trauma like abuse or neglect. Which is just not true! We also explained how the same trauma can happen to two people, but both will be affected on a totally different emotional scale to one another. The example was given of two young boys that had their dog die. One child lives in a war torn country and is used to seeing human life being taken on a regular basis. The other child lives in a western country where he is very sheltered from the harsh realities of life. With these two examples in mind, I’m sure you can imagine that the boy who lives in a war torn country and is exposed to lots of death, probably isn’t going to be as emotionally affected by the death of a dog as the child from a sheltered western country is going to be. There are just so many variables for each individual that will determine what life event will cause an emotional trauma or not, and to what depths it will be felt on an emotional scale, that it can make it very hard to narrow down the root cause of the person’s trauma(s). 

The other thing most people don’t know about when it comes to trauma is that a lot of people who have severe trauma have what is known as dissociated or repressed memories. Which means that they can’t actually remember the traumatic event. This occurs when a traumatic event(s) is so stressful that it causes the person’s cortisol (stress hormone) levels to rise so high that it chemically shuts off parts of the brain that recall past memories. 

When this occurs some people will retain a distorted memory of the event, but others can’t remember anything at all. Some will recall these lost memories as they get older, usually in their thirties these memories tend to resurface, for some reason. However, some people never regain these memories at all. There are some pretty clear signs though if someone has repressed memories. One of them being that chunks of life are missing from their memory. Some will say “I have no memories before the age of five”, or “I can’t remember any of my teenage years”. They’ll also make comments like “I feel like something bad has happened to me but I don’t know what”.  

People can do certain things to retrieve these memories, or at least get clarity around what has happened through doing things like psychedelic therapy or ceremonies, attending a sweat lodge, having hypnosis, or doing regular deep meditation. But, for people who aren’t interested in doing these kinds of things, they can go through their whole life and have absolutely no idea why their lives are filled with so much pain and destruction. 

So, as you can see, there are lots of different things that can amount to trauma, and there's varying degrees as to how that trauma will be emotionally experienced for each individual. But, the most important thing to understand is that every single human on the planet has some form of trauma. There is absolutely no such thing as a person without trauma! Even when you think someone has had a blessed life, it doesn’t mean their life has been devoid of emotional distress that amounts to some form of trauma. It’s also important to remember that we cannot compare how we have dealt with certain traumas as opposed to another. Everyone does experience and handle emotional trauma in different severities based on their own personal upbringing, beliefs, and surrounding experiences. There is no right or wrong way to encounter trauma and its side effects – so try not to be a judgy arseshole! Your personal experience and way of handling your trauma isn’t the golden standard for every human. We are all different!  

Trauma is always there for each individual. There’s no escaping it! Which is why we are best to look at our fellow humans with loving kindness and compassion – because we just never know what pain that individual has had to endure. They may not even know that for themselves…

#trauma #emotionalbaggage #repressedmomories #traumaawareness