You Can't Rescue Someone Who Doesn't Want To Save Themselves:

I think it’s human nature to want to rescue someone you care about who is going down a bad path in life. But the sad reality is you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. It’s that old saying “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink”!

I spent a big portion of my life trying to ‘rescue’ people. Partly because I was avoiding the healing work I needed to do on myself, but also because I cared deeply for anyone that was going down a destructive path. I felt it was my responsibility to save them. The trouble is no one else can really save another. You can guide them, give advice and support, but ultimately, the person has to do the work for themselves. 

I can’t tell you how much energy I’ve wasted over the years trying to save people who don’t really want to be saved. And it was always to no avail. You end up being the one who puts all of the effort in, and eventually you also end up being the bad person in their eyes. This is because, for whatever reason, they are not ready to help themselves. So, when you keep suggesting and pushing them to make positive changes they either ignore you or push back by reinforcing their unhealthy behaviour or choices. The more you push, the more they resist.

I’ve also had many who say with words that they want to turn their lives around, but their actions say otherwise. These are the people who always have an excuse as to why they can’t implement any of your suggestions. Unfortunately these people are completely unaware that they are stuck in a victim mentality. The real reason behind their pleas for help is because they want your warmth, your soothing, your attention. But they absolutely do not want to make any positive changes to their circumstances. They are not prepared to do the work because they aren’t prepared to take any personal responsibility for the state of their own life. EVERYTHING is ALWAYS somebody else’s fault!  

Eventually, there comes a time where you just have to walk away from these people (whether that’s physically or emotionally) – for your own sanity! You have to learn to detach from caring about the choices they do or don’t make. It’s about learning not to jump in the grave with people. 

You can still offer advice, if you feel you must, but the trick is to learn to detach from the outcome. That’s where we get worn down in helping people, when we attach to a desired outcome that we’d like for them. 

I still have this need in me to want to help people, it is a part of my caring nature. However, I’ve learnt to discern whether that person wants to and is ready to truly help themselves. If they do, I’m right there for them, ride or die. But if I detect they aren’t ready that’s when I completely let go. Some people I’ve had to remove from my life in order to protect my own peace. Whilst others, I can just detach emotionally from. You’ll have to use your own judgement to decide what is best for you in these kinds of situations. The most important thing is that you do decide one way or another, because the cost of trying to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped is at your expense. Not theirs!  

Only give your warmth to people who won’t steal it. It’s a precious commodity that must be reserved for those who are worthy of it! Those who are ready to be accountable for themselves!!! 

#Resue #savethemselves #victimmentality #stoprescuingothers #selfhelp #healyourself #protectyourpeace