Miserable Relationships - Are You In One?

When I look around me I can honestly say I’m absolutely astounded by the amount of people who are in an unhappy relationship! In fact, I would say that I know far more people who are drowning in misery with their partner, than people who are truly and genuinely in a loving and happy relationship. How sad is that!

I think partly this is because society has pushed the agenda that in order to be a “fulfilled and accomplished” person you have to get married, have the white picket fence, and the 2.5 kids before you’re too “over the hill”. Unfortunately, that sort of pressure is bound to push people into settling for someone that they probably never should have merged with in the first place. I also think in this age of instant gratification, people just aren’t prepared to wait for the right person to come along. That, coupled with a fear of being alone, it’s no wonder we have so many people who are just settling for substandard relationships. 

We also need to take into account that most people have a ton of unhealed trauma (whether big or small), which means that they are typically going to attract someone who also has some form of unhealed trauma - like attracts like! So, it’s only natural that the relationship is going to be filled with a lot of unhappiness. An unhealed person is miserable at their core (in one way or another). And until they do the inner work, heal that which needs to be healed in order for self-love to reverberate from the soul, they are never going to attract the kind of partner that enhances their happiness. 

This is actually where so many people get it wrong: they believe that happiness is going to come from outside of themselves. When the truth of the matter is, happiness has to come from within before it can manifest without! 

This past week I’ve been chatting to two people who are utterly miserable with their partners, they feel trapped in the situation. Which is just not true! It is only themselves, their own fears, and their own lack of self-love/worth that is keeping them chained to the situation. Where there is a will, there is always a way around/out of things! Both of these people have to lie and hide things from their partner. There is absolutely no trust or safety within their relationship, and without that what in the hell is there? Nothing! 

Now, I’m certainly not the poster girl for great relationships. I’ve had a string of bad choices over the years. However, I’m able to see why and how that was so. Due to my unhealed trauma, I always attracted emotionally unavailable men. Sub-consciously that’s because I was too afraid to ever let someone decent into my scared little heart. I had absolutely no self-worth or love, and so, I only attracted people who reflected that back to me. It was breadcrumb central – a recipe for total misery…

I’m not in a relationship now, but that’s because after all the healing work I have done, I’m just not prepared to settle for less than I deserve –I want the whole damn loaf– I deserve the whole damn loaf! As every human being does! Early this year I did date a lovely man for a few months, he was right in so many ways, and yet, in the most important ways he wasn’t. He was kind, good looking, successful, had similar values and beliefs, and treated me very well. But, he just wasn’t emotionally deep/mature enough for me, there was something missing. So, because of the inner work I have done, I just couldn’t lie to myself and settle for someone I knew wasn’t the right match. It was hard to say goodbye, but not as hard as it would be to stay and live a lie. 

I think everyone knows deep down when someone isn’t right for them within the first few months. It’s just a matter of whether you are willing to be honest with yourself, and whether you have the courage to go through the short-term pain of walking away. This actually comes back to the problem of instant gratification. Our ego will always choose short-term gain, because it has no foresight to see the long-term pain that this instant gratification brings. We must learn to override our ego and flip this: when we embrace and allow ourselves to go through short-term pain (like a breakup), we always end up with a long-term gain (like being available to meet the right person). 

I’ve had several people who are in unhappy relationships say to me “Don’t you hate being single and alone”, and I can honestly say that if it’s a choice between being single or being with the wrong person, I’m absolutely going to pick being single! I compare my life to these people and I can see that I am actually far happier than they are, or ever will be if they continue to stay living a lie. 

There’s actually no better feeling than honouring your self-worth. To me, that’s true happiness, and it’s absolutely the truest form of love – self-love!!!!

#unhappyrelationships #miserablerelationship #toxicrelationship #selflove #selfworth #emotionalhealing